Shinanai Otoko ni Koishita Shoujo Vol 1 Chapter 5

Chapter 05: Immortal Boy and solitary Knife

….It started raining. Water drops hit the only window of the waiting room in front of the operation room in the hospital. At first it were only a few, so that you could count them, but over time they got more and bigger. And ultimately they mixed together with the background and became like a waterfall.

To be honest, I didn’t know how much time had passed.

Rin’s parents were sitting beside me with blue expressions. I had talked to them for a bit. It seemed Rin had told them about me on various occasions. About how we ate lunch together. About how we went home together. How I helped her when she had trouble. How she helped me. And how happy and joyful she looked while talking about it. Her parents thanked me. Her mother also told me that she had no friends before she entered high school because of her personality. Rin herself had just smiled it off, but deep down in her heart she must have been lonely. But shortly after she had entered Meitou Academy she had reported her mother that she made a single friend. And that was me. Apparently she praised me at a very kind, strong and amazing person. It was the first time that Rin had talked about someone else, so her mother had always been grateful to me.

So why was it her that got attacked?

I couldn’t understand the egoist logic from those guys, who would attack someone like Rin. If something like fate really existed, on what grounds was it based on? If you call it fate that Rin was in a dying condition while others, who deserved that first, were still living a stupid life, then I would love to hear the answer to why it had to be like this. If it was merely decided by a roll of a dice, then it was just too unfair to her.

I stood up. It wasn’t like I wanted to go anywhere. But if I stayed here, I would only ponder about things that I couldn’t solve, so I bowed to Rin’s parents and left the room as to get a chance of mood.

When I was about to go inside, my cell phone rang. It was from my sister.

“Hello?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah. What’s up?”

“You know…”

“I want you to listen to this calmly.”

“It’s about…. Kuon Rin, your friend—“

“…What did you say?”

“Your friend, Kuon Rin, was stabbed various times all over her body. And on her stomach—“
Something clicked in my head.

“—on her stomach there was a cross engraved with a knife.”

Then all the background noise came back to me. The rain echoed annoyingly loud in my ears.

“We can’t be sure yet, but it’s quite likely— that Kuon-san was attacked by the .”

I let out my voice uncontrolled.

“Calm down, Kugito. We still don’t know if it was him. Nor if there was any reason behind it.”

“Even I don’t want to admit it, but—“

“Listen, all those victims have nothing in common. Their age, occupation and living area are all different. That makes us believes that he picks his victims randomly. Kugito, what I mean is that Kuon-san was most likely a victim of a random assault.”

That…. That couldn’t be. By chance? A coincidence? Are you telling me was attacked for a stupid, nonsense and ridiculous reason like that?

“Kugito—“

“…But Kugito, seeing the facts, that’s the only conclusion. Of course I don’t know any specifics, but I’m sure the investigation headquarters came to the same conclusion.”

“Kugito, face reality…..might be useless to tell you now. Okay. If that’s how you feel, then so be it.”

“If it makes you feel better, believe so. This might be cold, but that’s all I can say…. I’m sorry.”

I rested my head on my hands. Disordered thoughts went around in my head. Like Rin’s smile, her restlessly moving silhouette or waving her hand towards me. In short, the everyday life with Rin that I had believed would continue forever flashed in my mind.

It’s just that the life of the person, who I had admired and respected, got screwed over. Just like I had destroyed the life of my parents and sister, this meaningless injustice had hurt unrelated bystander and crushed her life.

Why was the world like this? Just why?

“I can’t laugh at this…”

“Damn!”

At that moment.

A familiar voice. I raised my head. There stood a girl in the rain with an umbrella.

Where did you go.

“I don’t know. It seems her wounds weren’t fatal, but she still lost too much blood”

Kirisaki folded her umbrella and stood in front of me.

“Yeah, about that—“

“—-No, this isn’t a good place. Let’s go to my room.”

I entered her room, which hadn’t changed from before. Kirisaki started up her notebook and I sat beside her to look at the display.

“Mh?”

“Wouldn’t you say that Kuon Rin was attacked by a fake ?”

“I’ll explain now.”

“While the possibility was low, when I heard that Kuon Rin was attacked, a hint of uneasiness befell me. That maybe a mimicking appeared. Of course there was no reason to it. So while I prayed that I’m wrong, I opened this page.”

“I always kept track of the actions of the fake , meaning actions— After the murder of a man, he wrote on the forum that he did that himself.”

“Today in OO City, XY District a man was killed. That was me. Our God is dead. From this day on, I’ll be the new .”

There were a lot of replies, but didn’t respond to any of them. Probably because a God wouldn’t exchange words with mere mortals so easily.

It was located further down. Moving the mouse, she scrolled down. There was written.

Then followed quite a lot of approvals for that comment.

Kirisaki stopped her fingers. I looked at where Kirisaki pointed.

“This is…”

Kirisaki returned to the index, which showed the latest posts.

She clicked on a post with the title “To the former Midnight killing Devil”.

“Today, in Meitou City at a back alley near the Meitou Station, I stabbed a single girl to near death. I’m sure the news will report about it later. Are those, who bantered me, satisfied now?

I respected you. No, you can say I worshipped you.

That’s why I decided to act as the in your stead. I did that because I believed that by doing so you would come to hate me and return to your previous artistic killer self.

But first I need you to receive retribution. I have to judge you for soiling the sacred title of .

What…? This went into a different direction from what I imagined, but I frowned.

It won’t be only that girl. From now on I’ll kill everyone related to you, not leaving anyone. Those you hold dear or those you know briefly, everyone. This is your punishment. I have to judge the sinner.”

I felt like a received a heavy blow to my head. Completely clueless, I held down my forehead. I let out a long sigh.

Kirisaki looked at me. Then she nodded positive.

“Then… it’s no coincidence that he came to this city?”

“And that Kuon got attacked too?”

“….How? How comes he knows all that?”

“…I don’t really know. I’m worried about that god’s voice.  Kuon Rin and me don’t know each other for long. Yet he was informed about it. That makes me believe that this really has past and present data about me. But is that even possible…?”

But— That wasn’t important right now. I felt like I only got more confused the more I tried to sort my thoughts.

“Kirisaki.”

“Then, it’s like that?”

“You—“

“—You’re the reason that Kuon got attacked?”

“I mean…. Isn’t that so. When all these related to you get attacked, that’s how it plays out.”

I knew that my emotions were taking a path that they shouldn’t. I wanted to stop it. But in the end that was the conclusion I reached.

“……”

“Oh wow.”

“That’s how it turns out. There was no way that there was any logic behind the attack on Rin. Yeah. It was your fault. Because I meddle with a killer like you, Rin got acquainted with you. And the result is this.”

Kirisaki opened her mouth to say something, but I ignored her and went on.

I knew myself that I was spouting nonsense. But that was all I could think of. I believed it to be the only answer to resolve this injustice.

“Kugito….”

I pushed away her hand that she extended towards me. The inside of my head was a mess. I stood up. Kirisaki made a dumbfounded expression that I never saw on her before.

Kirisaki didn’t say anything. She just looked at me dumbfounded. I averted my gaze and hit my strongly clenched fist against the wall. It made a creaking sound. The rain got stronger.

“…I can’t.”

I shifted my gaze back to her. Kirisaki, with her head lowered, had crossed her fingers atop her skirt.

Her voice wasn’t resolute like usually. It were just dejected and downfallen words. Like a scolded kid, Kirisaki had stiffened up, just enduring my outburst.

Kirisaki faced me and deeply bowed her head.

I didn’t know how to react to that. What good would it do to blame her any more?

“…I’ll definitely take responsibility for this.”

“That’s of no concern for you. You better get out of here quickly. And don’t get involved with me anymore. You can forget about our promise.”

“Kugito!”

“…Hurry and get out of here. Please.”

“….Okay.”

When I opened the door, Kirisaki said.

I stayed silent and she continued.

At a loss for what to reply, I ended up leaving without saying anything.

A sound of alienation faintly echoed amidst the rain.

Shapeless thoughts spun around in my head and mingled with my worries. Before I knew it, I stood in front of the hospital, which Rin was admitted to.

The rain didn’t seem to let down, rather it intensified. I just sat there alone, doing nothing.

My heart felt bitter. I felt repulsion and a disgust different from throwing up. I shook my head.

My irritation got worse. I didn’t know myself were this feeling was coming from.

Yet she admitted to it so easily.

Her expression when she said that flickered in my mind. I didn’t say anything wrong. It was just that the expression she showed me stirred up something within me. She looked just so,

I was angry about something. Trying to figure out about what for a long period, I ended up being angry about myself for not being resolute.

That was why I hate Kirisaki.

Not knowing what I really wanted to do, I felt like I was strangling myself.

I wondered how long I had been like this and how much longer I would continue to stay like this.

I raised my head and look that way uncertain.

While coming over, she said.

With an increased breathing, she showed a smile for the first time.

“—-Rin is awake now.”

Please don’t agitate her. She’s still in a critical condition.

Rin was silently laying on the hospital bed with her eyes closed like she was sleeping while attached to a respiratory system. But she then opened her eyes as the sensed my presence.

“Yo.”

“Are you okay?…..Guess that’s a stupid question.”

“…Sorry. You don’t need to force yourself to speak.”

“Don’t mind it….Seems like you’ll be in the hospital for a while.”

I said “I see” and fell silent afterwards. I couldn’t really stay here for long.

Rin nodded and said “Thanks” without a voice. With a “It’s fine” I stood up.

“Kirisaki… isn’t here.”

“….A fight?”

If that wasn’t it, then what was it? I asked myself, but not getting an answer, it were weasel words. I wanted to say something appropriate, but I couldn’t. I felt that no matter what I said, it would only sound like excuses in front of her.

Rin listened silently.

Rin nodded slightly. She didn’t do anything else to blame me, nor to comfort me. For some reason I suddenly felt awkward being here. Rin was just looking at me.

“…Kugi-chan.”

“Don’t leave….”

“…Don’t leave… Kirisaki-san….alone, okay.”

Rin closed her eyes. Her breathing was heavy. I hastily tried to stop her from speaking any more.

“Please—“

At that time, Rin lightly grabbed on my sleeve with her extended hand. That was all. She must have been at her limit. She was barely exerting any strength. Rin stopped moving just like that.

Unrest befell me. But that was only for a moment, as soon afterwards Rin started to make small sleeping sounds, which relieved me. She most likely overexerted herself. I looked down on my sleeve, where I felt a light touch. Rin still hadn’t let go. Not really forcing myself, I stayed there for a while. I repeated Rin’s words in my head.

She just might have wanted to tell me to make up with her. But I heard a different meaning in it.

“You’re… worrying about others even at a time like this.”

I thought what a narrow-minded human I was.

I should learn a bit from Rin.

Rin’s word and her heart that made her watch out for others at the cost of pain for herself made me regain my composure.

That the thing I was supposed to do was at least not to push her away. That there was no point in doing so. And that it was the reason for my irritation.

“…I’m such a weak human.”

“….”

“….Okay.”

And I mumbled.

I grabbed the doorknob.

I quietly opened the door.
And then I started moving to do that what I was supposed to do.

The rough rain hit my body and I was soaked to the bone in no time. The umbrella was no longer of any use.

While running through the crowd of people, I looked for Kirisaki.

I bumped into a couple of people, who gave me an annoyed look, but I still continued to call her name.

I wonder how long I did it.

“Damn…. It’s no good?”

“—Now that I think about it, I don’t know anything about her…”

But was that really so?

That there was no way she would be able to live a normal life after killing a person.

That she surely wanted to escape from the ban that aggrieved her own life.

I was supposed to understand it.

Yet I only pushed my own emotions onto her.

I made her, who was the closest by, shoulder it all.

That was the worst and lowest thing to do.

“Kirisaki…”

But—

I turned around.

“….Kirisaki.”

Kirisaki came over to me, who was dripping wet without an umbrella, and tilted her head with a “Mh?”.

“Can’t you tell by looking?”

“Looking for the culprit.”

“The culprit is after those related to me, so he has to stay in this city. For that he obviously needs to stay at a hotel. So I checked every business hotel here, if lately there checked in anyone for a longer period, or at least for longer than a month.”

“Certainly. But I didn’t know of any other way than to go searching hit-or-miss.”

“What?”

“Really?”

“Then it’s no good.”

“Why?”

“That earlier was… well, my fault. I said too much.”

“It’s not like that. You know, what I want to say is”

“That’s not it.”

Kirisaki turned around and walked away.

“Rest assured. I won’t cause any trouble for you anymore.”

“I’ll be fine alone.”

She— Gnar–!

“Kirisaki!”

“….What?”

Kirisaki’s big eyes were looking at me. I swallowed my saliva.

“Be quiet.”

“Don’t move.”

“Ah…”

“—!”

“Wh- What are you doing!”

“Who would desire that! What’s the idea!?”

I resolute pointed at Kirisaki.

“No, I’m not really—“

“…What?”

I went on.

Yeah. I knew it all along. I just didn’t want to admit it. I was just running away from the responsibility like a kid.

“Kugito….”

I stepped closer. Kirisaki made a perplexed expression. I grabbed her by her neck and forcefully pulled her close to me.

Kirisaki’s hand pawed in the air in confusion. I took her hand in mine and said.

Kirisaki didn’t respond anything and her face lightly hit on my chest.

Yeah. But I’ll don’t sweat the details anymore.
I just decided so.

“For now, wipe your hair with this.”

“…..”

…This was rather awkward.

“I only gave you a towel. I have nothing else to say. If someone has to say something, it should be you saying ‘thanks’, no?”

I see. That was how it felt to make up after a fight.

Kirisaki was equivalent troubled. And for some reason I could see some anxiety in her behavior.

“Why do you have your father’s clothes?”

What were you, an office lady living on her own?

But I had to say, I was soaked splendidly. I was completely wet down to my underwear.

I hesitated for a bit, but decided to take off my clothes. I exposed my upper body and wiped it dry with the towel. I put the clothes I took off on the hanger, even though I felt bad since I didn’t ask for permission.

Pondering about this and that, I decided to take off my trousers as well, since it felt unpleasant in the wet clothes. I loosened the belt, took them off and put them on the hanger like the other clothes. As for my trunks…No, that would really be going too far. But what was the difference from when I wrapped my bottom half with a towel? At a loss what to do, I kept putting my finger on the trunks and removing them again.

“Here I am. Seems I put them away far in the back. They’re a bit big, but it somehow—“

I turned her way.

“…Yo.”

The sliding door was closed.

“Well, all these wet clothes felt unpleasant.”

“You say girl, but it’s just you. Why should I show reservation?”

Sure, sure. Then give me the clothes.

“You can come in now.”

“Why would I lie?”

“What do you expect me to do?”

“Seriously. Normally such an event would be the other way around.”

“….Hey, are you okay?”

I pointed at Kirisaki.

Her reaction was large. She leaned backwards and covered it with her hands at the same time.

“Then why are you hiding your face?”

Scary!

“How rude.”

….Hey, could it be she.

“Wh- What?”

“Okay.”

Kirisaki said calmly.

“I have not.”

“No.”

“I’m not.”

“This and that are different.”

“What, well… Basically, seeing you naked is—-No, forget it. Anyway, the idea that it’s okay to be naked in front of me is screwed up.”

“I think it’s your fault for getting butt naked in front of a girl.”

“F- For a girl, who never saw a man naked, it doesn’t matter if you wear them or not!”

“I would! That leaves more place for imagination!”

“Is that bad? Everything needs a craving for it!”

“You’re a virgin yourself!”

“Okay, fine!”

“Wh- What are you doing!”

“Stop it, Idiot. I don’t want to see that!”

“To whom!”

Just a self-assessment!?

“Then look and judge for yourself!”

Kirisaki was seriously going to strip, so chopped her vertex.

“Give it a rest already!”

“No, yours!”

“Got a problem with that?”

Then,

I was the first to stop.

Kirisaki agreed.

“So stupid.”

For a while, we laughed. I felt the awkward feeling from before disappear. There was no need to wreck my brain. This exchange was most suited for our relationship. I confident thought that.

“Kugito.”

“What?”

My expression became serious again. Right, that was our original topic.

“How does it go?”

Kirisaki tilted her head, said “Okay” and went over to the notebook. She switched it on.

“Access the

“Good. Now write down what I tell you.”

I told her the matter. Kirisaki widened her eyes in surprise.

“Yeah, that’s the only way for now.”

No real surprise. It was a plan that only worked with the two of us.

Kirisaki typed on the keyboard. Then she clicked the publish button. A new thread was made.

For now the preparations were complete.
Don’t get cocky, Imposter. Towards the nutcase that I never met, I thought.

Don’t think we’ll accept this injustice world forever.

Chapter end