Isekai For My Ex 104 The Right To Save Yourself

I crossed my arms, remembering the ordeals he put me through. 

"Well, you learned something from that, right?"

He asked me as he meticulously wiped the steel ware we used on cooking, he then hid it behind the tree where most of his stuff is and covered it with a sheet resembling the same patterns as our uniforms.

"I don't know… but yeah, I guess. After following you all this time I have learned and discovered many things."

"That's why I have nothing more to teach you, I have already passed down all tactics I have in my head to the leaders of the resistance, other than that are the tricks I only know myself or only I can use."

"Really?! That's awesome Slaine! Why can only you use it? Ah… could it be, that weapon?"

He nodded and tapped the weapon that he carried on his back, attached to it a leather that enables him to carry it like a sword on his back, seeing it closely just made me more curious as to how such a powerful weapon can be created by little chunks of metals and regular wood.

"Can I touch it?"

"What?"

"You weapon of course! What would I want to ask to touch from that question earlier?!"

"Well… lots of things, but okay. If it's you."

He skillfully unstrapped the weapon, held it with two hands and handed it to me.

Now, I am reaping the benefits of being by his side! 

As I stood up to hold the weapon, I congratulated myself for the reward of following him on his whims that put me into different sorts of ordeals in the past.

I held the weapon with two arms, the way he presented it to me, and then I put the heavier part of the weapon at my shoulder blade, and held its body the way he held it when he was crushing the dark-elves.

The moment I held it I immediately realized that this didn't really need any kind of spirit to operate, nor it is made from the divine trees that produce wands.

"It's just really a bunch of small metalwork and wood"

I then pointed the weapon to him.

"How does this work? Anyway?"

I explored every part of it as its still pointed to him, I wonder where does he put those magic balls, that fires different magic, or are those balls his own original magic?

"First thing is, don't go pointing it to people.... "

He raised one hand and used his other hand to point the tip of the weapon elsewhere beside him. 

"Oh sorry, but yea, can you tell me?"

"Hmm… I'm not sure, but why do you desire to use such weapon? You have your own powerful spirit right?"

"Well… that's true but its not strong enough"

I held the weapon with two arms, fed up with it already and gave it back to him gently by two arms.

"Strong enough… huh… so that's why you are so persistent with me training you. You really are a hard worker Lyra, I'm jealous, even I can't do that"

With his response I flinched, it's the first time someone called me a hard worker, but that doesn't make me special at all because everybody is working hard to accomplish the goal of the resistance. 

"But you don't have to overestimate me that much Lyra, as I have my limitations also, if not why would I ask for your help, right?"

"Even when you can defeat divisions single handedly?"

"Yes, I do have power but it's limited, and knowing them, I want to be careful as much as possible, the battles we fought might be just for those of the lower hierarchy, we don't know what kind of monsters are those in the higher echelon. I learned that lesson myself… very well."

For a moment, I saw him clench his fist as if he was reminded of a nightmare, but immediately breathed out a sigh and turned around to me.

"I learned it the hard way, and I lost many things because of that careless thinking, that's why this time I'm gonna be careful as much as possible.

And, it turns out that your race and my goals are aligned, there's nothing to lose if we work together, if it increases the probability of making this work, then I'm going to do my best to pass on to you my knowledge and techniques."

Hearing him explain this makes sense. Aside from the cursed loved one he wanted to save, he already lost some loved ones to the enemy.

This man lives in such solitude, and fights alone with the enemy that has overwhelming numbers and strength, and because of his knowledge he was able to do that.

Losing your loved ones and desperately trying to save one that remains. What a lonely journey one man has been into.

And then that's when a few things made sense to me somehow.

"So… is that why you are keeping your distance from us? Knowing that one day some of us might perish, you don't want that to feel that pain again."

"You may be right, I don't want to feel that pain, ever again"

He told me as he shook his head and turned to the tree where most of his belongings were tucked, where the sun showed itself setting, illuminating the tree from behind with its rays. The tree for a moment looked like it glowed but shortly after, the orange sky darkened and the tons of skies lightened the skies.

 "Then… What if you perish first before you can accomplish anything? You'll die a lonely death apart from the people you love.

Isn't that too cruel? 

You care too much for other people, but who takes care of you?"

The words was only in my thoughts when we talked on that night where the fireflies surrounded us, finally came out.

Behind the strength and tranquility, there lies a man walking a thorny path alone, and seeing it and hearing it, is too much for my heart to bear. 

And something deep inside me wants to support him even when he tries to push us away.

And I think this is the only chance I got before we set to the battlefield once again, where we can't have these conversations as we go back to just being comrades, where all I can do is follow his orders.

"Even without someone's care, you are already doing enough for me, Lyra. 

That powerful will and kindness of yours will make any man happy to be with you.

With our goals aligned, I'll do my best in taking back the rightful place where your race belongs to, so that one day you can find your own happiness and live in peace."

Once again, he reached out his hand to me and patted my head once again without warning.

"So for now, don't mind me… if that time comes, I already accepted it, and if I die, it doesn't matter how it would be, even if it's somewhere where no one can see me. 

What matters is how I try to use what remains of this insignificant life of mine.

I just want to bring back someone's smile, and if I can't do that, then it just means that I'm not worthy to see such a smile again"

With his words, loneliness filled deep inside me, that I couldn't help it anymore, it's the same thing when Valeri cries, I also feel that my heart is being tugged inside, that tears slowly came out of my eyes without me noticing it.

"Why are you cryi—"

Without any warning, just like how he always patted my head, swayed by my feelings, I stood up and embraced him tightly with my arms.

"Don't say… don't say something like that, Slaine. Drop the tough act for now, doesn't it tire you? Just for now, at least? Okay?

You're a good person, and you don't deserve such an end.

So please, okay? Don't think of your life as insignificant, because if not for you, I wouldn't be alive right now.

Can you feel it? The warmth, the beating of my heart, this is because of you.

Remember what I told you when we entered the new headquarters? You saved me, and not only me, you saved our race from that decisive battle that would have ended all of us.

I don't know if this is the right thing to say, but you have the right to… the right to love yourself, even when things didnt work back then, and you failed to save someone you are still significant.

So please… okay? Stop treating yourself that way."

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