I Reincarnated Into a Vending Machine Chapter 114

Published at 14th of July 2023 09:06:02 AM

Author: Hirukuma

Translated by Zzonkedd

Edited by Gumihou

Gumihou: Henceforth [Fools of Whimsy] will be known as [Whimsical Fools] for a more immersive experience.

We join forces with Mishael to mow down the enemy and retreat to where the [Whimsical Fools] are gathered.

The battle is still ongoing but only the really fierce and hot-blooded monsters attacked us. Most of the enemy had fallen back to the wall to observe the situation.

If they have any will of their own, they would not try to attack hunters of such unreasonable strength. That’s just common sense after all.

“While I don’t mind annihilating the lot, chipping them down to this level should be enough to keep the village safe. Let’s move down to the passage.”

In accordance with Leader Keyroil’s instructions, Vice-Leader Felmina scattered pebbles on the floor while I sprayed the enemies down with the high-pressure washer.

Ignoring the trembling green demons, we quickly move down the passageway and away from the enemies. We ran into a fork in the road, but saw no sign of being chased. The other two passages were still blocked by illusory sand and it looked like the enemies had not gone through them at all.

“All right, mission complete. Shall we interrogate this sister once we return to the village?” Leader said as he casually pats the female Commander on the buttocks. He had been carrying her over his shoulder and her bottom was right next to his face.

“Let’s do that. Even so, Leader, Isn’t it rather inappropriate to touch a woman’s bottom like that even in the midst of such chaos?” Vice-Leader Felmina had a rather expressionless look on her face as she approached the leader.

“N-no, wait, I was just caught up in the moment, like, this isn’t me! It’s not like I wanted to touch her butt or anything.”

“Is that so?”

Leader Keryoil appears to be under Vice-Leader Felmina’s control. They quarrelled a lot, but I do get the feeling that they are quite close to each other.

There seems to be a 10-year age gap between them, but that’s not too unnatural for a couple. In fact, I am not too sure what their relationship is.

“They are pretty close, aren’t they?”

“It se-em-s so”

Looks like Ramis is thinking about the same thing as I am. From this point of view, it looks like the advice was given out of jealousy rather than professional courtesy.

“Why are they still like this at their age, Red?”

“Right? I feel embarrassed for them each time they do this.”

The Red and White twins sigh, their shoulders slumping in resignation. Well, I get why they would act like that, especially if they have to witness this every time.

“What do you mean ‘at their age’? Isn’t Vice-Leader Felmina much younger?”

That’s right, no matter how mature Vice-Leader Felmina appears, the Leader is obviously in his late 30s or early 40s.

“Ah, that’s right. You don’t know this but despite her looks, the Vice-Leader is older than the Leader,” [1] said Shui.

“That’s right, though her face looks young, the smell from her shoes reveals her true age,” [1] was Hevoy the Pervert’s comment.

Ramis is shaking her head in denial at their remarks. I am similarly shocked. Vice-Leader Felmina looks too young.

“Eh? Eh? But… isn’t she young? She looks super young?”

“Well, she’s half of something… she’s mixed-blood,” said Shui, uncertainly.

“Half of a vampire, Shui.”

A vampire? I have not heard about them in this world before. [1] I wonder, do they conform to the stereotypes found on Earth? [1] Also, it’s kind of creepy how certain Hevoy sounded…

“Umm, I think I heard about them from Hyurumi before. Vampires feed on human blood, I think? And they usually look like really beautiful humans.”

Oh? Looks like they do conform to certain stereotypes. I wonder if they are weak to garlic too? Maybe I should recommend some Peperoncino next time?

I look at the Vice-Leader with renewed eyes. Her blue hair and white skin could be attributed to a vampire’s seductive beauty now that it’s been pointed out.

“Just to add, vampires can feed on other bodily fluids that contain similar components to blood. So, it’s not uncommon for them to mate with humans and have children… I think.”

“Is that true? Then, it’s fate!”

Ramis claps her hand together and makes a praying pose, looking very moved.

Hm? Doesn’t this world have a taboo against half-breeds? I thought that it’s common for half-elves to be prosecuted or something.

“You’re alright with it, Ramis? I mean, she’s a half-vampire,” said Red.

“That’s right, she’s a demonic halfbreed, doesn’t it bother you?” White pressed.

The Red and White Twins are bombarding Ramis with questions, apparently surprised by her reaction.

Oh, so I was right about half-breeds being a despised existence here. However, despite their strong words, I don’t detect any malice from the Red and White Twins. It looks like they are genuinely curious about Ramis’ reaction.

“Eh? Um, that’s true, but… we already know Vice-Leader Felmina. So, even though we know her background and bloodline now, isn’t she still the same person? Right, Hakkon?”

“Ye-s ye-s”

It’s completely true. Moreover, I think half-vamps would be really popular in Japan. Most people would find them cool rather than scary or disgusting.

“Well, the [Whimsical Fools] party accepted her as their vice-leader, right? Then, isn’t she like everyone else?”

The twins appear relieved that Ramis was not expressing sympathy, but rather admiration for Vice-Leader Felmina. I guess they really respect their leader.

“Well, [Whimsical Fools] is a party of oddballs, so basically anyone’s fine,” said White.

Suddenly, all eyes turned to Hevoy.

Who beamed and said, “I have a strong tolerance for all races. So long as they are the shoe-wearing type, anything goes.”

Well, if it’s the [Whimsical Fools]’ party that could take in someone like Havoy, who openly declares weird things like that, as a companion. I guess a half-vamp is nothing.

“Hey, you guys could keep chatting but keep your feet moving while you’re at it. It’s time we return to the village.”

The Leader had already picked up the woman again and was walking alongside Vice-Leader Felmina. Looks like he did not overhear our conversation.

The very interesting talk was temporarily interrupted. However, when no enemies appeared, the idle members resumed talking.

“Speaking of which, I heard that members of the [Whimsical Fools] all have something they wish to achieve. Is it alright to ask what everyone’s wish is?” [1] asked Ramis.

Somehow, the atmosphere around changed drastically the moment Ramis brought this up.

Although they had just been chatting casually just now, I did not miss the sudden disappearance of the twins’ cheerful expressions. Two seconds later, a smirk took over their faces.

“Sorry, there are things we don’t want to say.”

“It’s fine with me. My wish is simple. I want lots of money so that I can run the orphanage more easily! I want the kids to eat delicious food every day and to be able to eat until they are full!!” Shui’s loud announcement dispels the heavy atmosphere.

I think it’s a simple and easy-to-understand wish. Knowing the situation of the orphanage makes me want to support it even more. However, to conquer a dungeon for a Floor Master Coin in exchange for such a wish seems… kind of underwhelming.

“Well, me next! Our wish is to turn Hakkon back to human!”

Wait, so you were serious about what you said back then? I’m very happy to hear you say it, but a wish should be used to satisfy your own desires.

“So, Hakkon and Ramis have the same wish, right?”

“Y-es”

Let’s leave it at that. There are a lot more things I wish to say, but it is better to keep things simple for now and not make it too complicated.

“In that case, allow me to confess my wish. I do believe that no one could guess my wish. My wish is to collect all of the world-”

“That’s enough, Hevoy.”

The Red and White Twins chorused together. Hevoy, who had already spread out his arms in preparation for an impassioned speech, looked a little disgruntled at being interrupted.

“No, no, surely it is not right for me to hear everyone’s wishes and not reveal mine? Although it is a shameful and despicable wish, I cannot abide by lies or betrayals. It is just my nature.”

It all sounded very high-minded and pure. However, I do think he just wants an opportunity to reveal his perversion.

“You’ll just say it even if we don’t want you to, so hurry up and spit it out.”

“I’m so sick of hearing it…”

“Same here.”

Three of the [Whimsical Fools] have this bored look on their faces. I guess they have heard Hevoy’s wish more than once. I have a feeling I know what he wants to say, so, I can’t say I’m too keen to hear it either.

“My wish… is to collect worn shoes from all over the world and build a huge castle with them. Shoemakers would be given the utmost privilege at the castle village and once a year, the tax would be paid in worn shoes. That’s my greatest dream!”

What a disgraceful wish!

That is the stuff of nightmares! People who live downwind from that castle would suffer a hellish smell!

Living near a city that smells of worn shoes is the worst. This kind of demonic ambition must be stopped for the sake of the people and the world.

“Well, it’s our turn. Our wishes are the same, right, White?”

“Right, Red. We want the same thing.”

The two of them threw out their hands theatrically with their backs towards each other in some kind of dramatic pose.

“To be popular with women!”

Then, they rake their hands over their hair in a handsome pose.

The women around them shook their heads at the twins’ antics.

“Even though women love us as we are, as men, it is only common sense to embrace all beautiful women, isn’t it so?”

“That’s right, Red. Beauties of the world should swoon before us.”

“You two are still virgins though,” Shui muttered.

The twins froze mid pose, they had obviously overheard that quietly spoken remark and were petrified in place. 

“To-o bd”

The Red and White Twins collapsed at my overly straightforward words. Well, well, looks like it’s true.

That’s right, I’ll find time to transform into an adult goods vending machine and provide you with some erotic books. You may comfort yourself with those.

“There’s only the Leader and Vice-Leader Left.”

I think Leader and Vice-Leader once said that they have the same wish. From the serious expressions on their faces, I don’t think we could casually ask them about it.

“That… who knows? I asked about that before but they dodged the question.”

Shui did not appear to know either. If even the permanent members of the party do not know, there is no point for us to keep speculating.

“Everyone has their own secrets. So long as it is not a straight-out lie or something that could harm others, there is no need to pry. Well, I’m not the type to keep secrets,” said Hevoy grandly.

So long as it does not involve shoes, Hevoy could be surprisingly decent. Moreover, he wears his perverted fetishes on his sleeves, so he certainly has the most right to the claim of ‘honesty’.

“Oi, don’t just keep standing around there or we won’t reach the village by the end of the day!”

We had unknowingly fallen quite far behind Leader Keryoil. Putting the conversation to a halt, we hurried over to catch up with the leaders. Upon reaching them, we matched their pace and headed back together.

Now and then, I glanced at the Leaders, curious about what their wishes could be. However, all I could see of Leader was an aloof expression. As expected, I could not read his thoughts behind his stubbled face at all.

[Gumihou: Wishing for Vice-Leader to be a full human?]

[1] Adjusted for clarity

Chapter end