Gomen ne, Onii-sama Chapter 2.6

Gomen ne, Oniisama Chapter 2 part 6

-Memorial of Spring- After

 

While we conveyed information, the sun began to descend.
Perhaps realizing that the time left that they could speak privately was almost over, he opened his mouth doubtfully.

“When spring comes, I’ll be going to the battlefield in earnest.”
“Eh?”

By those words, I was startled for a moment.

That should be far later in the story.

It’s another problem.

“If a knight were to go onto the battlefield at the age of sixteen, wouldn’t that be a problem?”

“…is, that so?”

If it was just Atlas’s choice, I would have no problem with it.

If he were to take the option of being a magician and earnestly learn magic at this time, would the trusting relationship with Gil-sama be impossible to build?

The story is completely diverting from the original.

“I think that that thing will definitely be used on this battlefield too.
…..I’ll leave this place to you. But, I still have things I want to say as a knight apprentice.”

His stiff voice pulls me from my thoughts.

I stared at his brown eyes, as he spoke while seeming to taste each word carefully.

“I find you unpleasant. Showing off your power, and oppressing the weak.”

His formerly hidden feelings were directly communicated, gouging deep wounds in my heart.

It’s because of my own actions. Because of the sins I’ve committed.

“…is it, because of Gilford Ivaris. Or…”

Whether he guessed my unspoken words, his low voice answered.

“They were problems that could have been solved without sacrifice if you didn’t rush them. Both Gil and that fort.”

If he recognizes my actions towards Gil-sama, that means he’s had a chance to talk to Gil-sama about his origins.

I see.

Then, that he decided his future so quickly may not be a problem?

“No matter how much time passes, it’s impossible that he would become an existence worthy of the Ruzil name. And, that victory, as I mentioned earlier, was partially for my own sake. I used the methods I believed were best.”

“And how many lives could have been saved? You’re just doing what you want and calling it correct.”

His sharp gaze stabbed at me, causing my heart to beat heavily.

Eyes full of righteousness, honest feelings, taking the straight path.

Impossible. This should be impossible.

Yet, there is no clear path that will lead to the best outcome.

But the way【Origa】will answer is already determined.
To answer in any other way, is impossible.

“For me to deny those sacrifices, would it not be blasphemy against the dead? ―My choice is not wrong.”

The commander is the one who should shoulder the sins of their subordinates.

In order to keep my subordinates from having doubts, I must continue moving forwards.

I will not be the weak【me】. I must be【Origa】.
The emotions in my heart, I will not reveal.

“….I am well aware, of how full of idealism my words are. But, I will not forgive you, because I am someone who aspires to become a knight.”

I look away from his gaze, and sigh.

As the villain, my aim and his were different from the beginning. Understanding each other is impossible.

My actions are obvious, even as his harsh gaze causes my heart to hurt.

For a villain to calmly be listening to words of condemnation from a hero, such a comical scene would never occur if I was the real【Origa】.

“―But. I understand the position of a magician. It wasn’t just people in the fort that you destroyed….. And, in hindsight, you may have been protecting Gil.”

“Considering the way of the Ruzil family, if you didn’t choose to banish Gil from the clan like that, it’s highly likely he would have died.”

Indeed, other than the Ruzil family the other clans are developing on a more liberal path.

The number of magicians that are born will decline quickly, and then magicians will no longer be the main force of this country.

That’s why, in any of the other clans they would have allowed someone like Gil-sama.

But, Gil-sama is a seed of the head of the Ruzil family.

“I… don’t think that you took your actions without any reason. And, I think there were… some circumstances around Gil. And, in the first place, it’s a problem between you and Gil, not me.”

Hesitantly, with a low voice as if he’s talking to himself, Atlas disrupts my mind.

And, around me are circumstances― because I want to live.

―What am【I】thinking?

Causing my emotions to change so drastically.
Disgusting. Dis, gusting.

“So, I apologize. At that time, I said some harsh things. Sorry.”
“I also, did more than was necessary. I apologize.”

I mask my face with a smile to hide my nausea.

My head empties except for Atlas’s words, spinning around in my head.
Quickly, quickly, I want to finish this conversation.

“And, Gil is doing well with us, so you don’t have to worry about him. Because he has been completely separated from the Ruzil, nobody is trying to do anything to him.”
“Even if what you say is true, I am still Gil’s sister.”

I am for Gil-sama, for mother, for the clan, for the magicians.

I don’t want to think anymore. No more.

“I know I ruined your reputation at that time. I know that it was the wrong thing to do. Nevertheless, my father… no, I promise that if you trust me then I will repay that trust.”

As I harden my face once again and prepare more words of apology, he speaks again, with a voice that seemed to fade into nothing.

“Can we… become friends?”

―The emotions wriggling deep inside me stopped my movement.

“Friends.”

I speak the word with a dumbfounded voice, and Atlas awkwardly averts his gaze.

He stood there, appearing to have no intention of clarifying his words.

Really, what an absurdly straightforward person.

Because he wants to forgive, he forgives.

Like the mindset of a child.

I’m not the kind of person that should be one of his friends.
He’s on the list of characters who I should definitely not become friends with.

The various ways I can reply with pass through my head as I think about what the best response is.
I bring my cup of tea to my mouth to hide my face, and my faintly trembling lips.

“So? I don’t have anything left to say.”
“….I.. it’s the first time I’ve made a friend.”

He was dumbfounded for a moment, and then his mouth opened, and he laughed uncontrollably.

―In the future, I would regret ignoring this alarm.

From there, every day was full of small joys.

Their presence healed my body and mind, and my magic was certainly stable.
But finally, the return of spring brought with it a return to the defense.

 

 

As I prepare to visit the King before returning to the battlefield, I am notified of a visitor.

I run to her and hug her while smiling, and she laughs while stroking my coppery hair with pale white hands.

“Mother! It’s been a while. Are you fine without that person?”
“Long time no see, Origa. I came by to say hello because I heard that you would be leaving for the war soon. Because it was too shocking a story, he stayed behind.”

Because I asked father to accompany mother’s medical treatment to keep his influence away, we haven’t really been able to meet.

But, even though she’s sickly and in a position with strong overlap with my previous life, she took good care of me.
I mean, she’s almost―

“Origa?”

“Oh? I thought you were all grown up, but I guess you’re still a child.”

We continued to exchange banter, speaking of the things that happened to us over the last year.

Remembering the fun memories, I spoke happily as my mother laughed and we conversed for a while.

Being able to enjoy talking with my mother like this, this is the first time.

“This is the first time I’ve seen you having so much fun.”
“Mother?”

To meet my mother, this is the first time after a year.

She told me not to worry about taking the role of family head from her husband, and that he sent his daughter a hug.
I don’t have words left; she was concerned about me even in this situation.

Being worried about by my mother like this, I don’t remember ever happening in my previous life.

Part of me is embarrassed about being fussed over like this, another pleased, and another wants to avoid giving her anything else to worry about. And, thinking.
One day,【I】want to do something for this person.

“Because you’re constantly languishing over things, I was worried.”

But, I’ve already made a friend, and she smiled and continued.
While stroking my copper hair, she whispered in a thin voice.

“I’m praying, that you guys can become happy.”

So my mother said with a smile, and I was shaken.
With a fleeting smile on her pale face, aware her time had come, she cast her eyes down.

 

 

The funeral of my mother was carried out in the Imperial City.

I’m sure she would love it.

I’m sure that I was the only one who didn’t know, that my mother was well liked.

Many people believed she was one of the most beautiful people while she was alive.
Even the King, learning that his relative died, appeared a little thinner, as he stood with a pensive face.

I merely looked silently, and played the role of chief mourner.

That all I can do for her is shed tears― it weighs heavily on my neck.

And to tell the truth, I don’t remember much of the day of the funeral.

But, I do remember a little.

The letter he gave me silently, containing words of consolation, was from my brother.

Really, I don’t even know why I remembered such a thing.
When I don’t even remember what it said.

Before I even realized it, I was burning it, and I was unable to read its contents.

I don’t remember.
….I strongly feel that I didn’t want to remember, and so I didn’t remember.

And my father disappeared to the border that day.

 

 

I’m sure that this is a poor translation of these two lines, so if anyone has a better one please comment it.

そう、私には事情があって――――だって、生きて欲しいから。

TN Note: So, anybody else expect that? I didn’t expect it until I put the last section into google translate

Chapter end