Brother Chapter 7

Seven

What is important is always invisible.

Xu Ping didn’t go to school. He first went home. He stood at the entrance after he opened the door. For some reason, he was scared and his knees were weak. Only after encouraging himself silently did he step inside. The red bucket wasn’t under the table. Xu Zheng had always put his favourite toy there, but today it wasn’t anywhere in the room. Xu Ping was standing in the smack middle of the living room. Every door in the house was wide open. The window in the boys’ room was opened and the light beige curtains were flapping loudly from the wind rushing in through the crack. It was obvious that his brother wasn’t home but he still called, “Xiao-Zheng!” No one answered. He stayed in the spot for a moment and then went to the kitchen. He took a glass out from the cabinet, poured himself a full glass and gulped it all down. He was really thirsty.  He poured another glass. Halfway through, he felt sick and started dry barfing in the sink, but nothing came out. He dumped the rest of the water and placed the glass back after washing it. It was really quiet. Xu Zheng never liked to talk but would make all sorts of noises. He was clumsy and would often bump into the table, making thumps and clunks, but never had Xu Ping heard him say ouch. Xu Ping had to check on him every now and then as he did homework in the bedroom. At first, he would put down his pencil and go looking. Later, he simply called his brother’s name from his seat and Xu Zheng would pop into the room quietly. Regardless if Xu Zheng was in the middle of something or how many times he had been called already, he would show up obediently as soon as his brother called his name, like a dog responding to its owner’s command. Sometimes when Xu Ping was bullied at school, he would keep calling Xu Zheng’s name to feel better. As soon as Xu Zheng showed up, he would get him to go away again. Even after Xu Zheng ran back and forth dozens of time between the living room and the bedroom and his forehead was glistening with sweat, he would still behave well, without complaint, like a dumb, loyal dog. And it was also this dumb doggy who threw a temper tantrum at Xu Ping for being late.  Xu Ping had to admit that he had no idea what was going on inside Xu Zheng’s head. He always thought his brother was a retard who was slow to react and lacked emotions. Therefore, he never considered his own words and actions before doing them. He had not only beaten him up but also told him to go die. Perhaps in reality, he was the asshole who had been bullying Xu Zheng this whole time. Eyes red on the verge of tears, Xu Ping slapped himself across the face. He was going to go out looking. He was going to find Xu Zheng and bring him home. He was going to apologize to him properly. Even though Xu Zheng was a retard, he was his dear brother, his only one. He grabbed his keys and locked the door on his way out.

The frustrated Mr. Zhang reached into his pocket for another smoke only to find a flat box. He scoffed at himself for acting up. No matter how mature Xu Ping seemed, he was only twelve years old and didn’t know anything yet. He treated the Xu brothers so well partly because of that unspeakable secret and partly because he was a kind man. No matter which one, he couldn’t let Xu Ping treat his affection like a deal. He did his best to suppress his rage. “Did you find your brother?” Xu Ping shook his head. His eyes immediately turned red, but he held it in, his facial muscle taut like a string about to snap. Seeing the boy like this, Zhang Jinmin couldn’t find it in himself to stay mad. He stood up and said to the boy, “You haven’t eaten, have you? I’ll make some noodles for you and we’ll go looking for Xu Zheng after.”
Xu Zheng still had not come back by the end of that long day. Xu Ping had always thought that his brother was an idiot, but it was this idiot who had done something incredible. He searched everywhere Xu Zheng might have hid – the garbage dump, the boiler room, the bushes out back, inside the cement cylinders – while calling his brother’s name, but Xu Zheng was nowhere to be found. The last place he went to was the abandoned Informatics Centre. It was sunset again and the ding-a-ling of bicycles rang through streets and alleys. The sky was still light and the part right above the horizon was dyed bloody. The past twenty-four hours had seemed to last a century. When Xu Ping stood once again before the dead China roses and shattered glass, he had the ridiculous feeling that everything had changed. He had thought he was bearing the most pain a person could take, but after all this, he discovered that his life had only just started. He went around the courtyard twice before climbing the stairs up. Every door that he opened only brought him disappointment. The last room was in a corner by the stairwell on the fifth floor. The narrow white door fell in the shadows and was so dusty the white appeared grey. It was Xu Ping’s last hope. He stood outside the door, holding the doorknob in prayer – if Xu Zheng was inside, and if he would forgive him, he would gladly do whatever in exchange even if it meant getting beat up by Lu Jia every day. After making this wish, Xu Ping took a deep breath and pushed open the door. The room was very dark. There was only one window the size of a workbook that was completely clouded by dust. All sorts of things lay on the floor. Broken chairs and desks, old newspaper and used cardboard boxes piled together to form a mess. A poster hung crooked on one wall. ABOLISH ??? (torn off), ALL HAIL THE PROLETARIAT CULTURAL REVOLUTION! Xu Zheng was not there. Xu Ping closed the door while the tiny voice inside repeated: he’s gone, your brother’s gone…. Behind the stairwell was a metal ladder that led straight to the rooftop. Xu Ping climbed up and pushed open the metal door. The evening breeze brushed his face. The city was bathed in the vermillion sunset. He could see into the distance, past his home. There were the long railroad tracks, the factory chimneys pumping out white smoke, the old traditional building made of grey bricks and the countless power lines and poles connecting the city in a huge spider web. In this place, so many lived like ants, being born, growing up, attending school, finding a job, going to work, getting married, having kids, growing old…. Their sadness, their joy, their encounters and their farewells were here; their love, their hate, their insanity and their rage were here. Their lives were here, and so were their deaths. His brother was probably somewhere down below. Xu Ping just couldn’t find him. He shouted towards the city and the setting sun, “Xu Zheng, you bastard! Come out right now!” Only the wind replied as it blew over the railing. Xu Ping had never been so afraid and desperate. He had lost his brother. At last, he hid his head between his arms and began to bawl.

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Chapter end