Become a Star Chapter 50

It was a pity Woo-Jin did not have the footage of the scenes that were rejected. It would have made things easier for him if he could compare and evaluate them. However, he was thankful that Production Director Park Jong-Hyuk, despite being a very demanding person, was taking such good care of him.  So, even if he thought it was a shame, he left it at that. 

He found out what Production Director Park wanted after hearing his last remark, but that did not mean he had understood everything. The acting that had met the production director's standards was Woo-Jin's 'original' acting – it did not contain his feelings, and neither did he adopt a personality from one of his past identities. In that case, it meant that apart from using the method Woo-Jin hated, there were other ways of satisfying Production Director Park Jong-Hyuk's demands.

'What can I do for you?' 

'Why are you always trying to do something for me whenever you see me?'

'Because there's nothing I can do for you.'

'It's not that you want to do something for me because you haven't done anything, but rather, you feel unsettled because there's nothing you can do, right?'

'I've done nothing for you and there's nothing I can do for you, but there's only one thing I can do well, so I hope that for your sake, you'll never need my help.' 

'Then why do you keep asking me what you can do for me?' 

'Because you might need me someday.' 

In the scene that was shot a couple of days ago, Louie continuously asked the female lead those questions with a completely emotionless face. People had always wanted 'something' from him, so Louie had assumed that was also the case for the person he had fallen in love with. That was why he had constantly asked himself, 'What should I do for her?' 

As a contract killer, the only thing that Louie had complete confidence in doing was murdering people. He hoped that she would not need his help, but he had a feeling that she might need it one day. A killer's hunch was never wrong. 

In this scene, the cold and unfeeling Louie showed his regret, as well as his affection for her, along with a killer's instincts. It was also the scene that had been rejected several times because the production director was not satisfied with Woo-Jin's performance. On top of that, the female lead's peculiar stage voice had caused the production director to reject it almost the same amount of times he had rejected Woo-Jin. Thereafter, both of them had been completely exhausted and ended up collapsing. He remembered how Park Yeon-Ah had staggered and sank into the chair like slime as she was unable to lie down on the floor because of the sponsored clothes she was wearing. 

He had not been able to think about anything after facing a constant stream of rejections. He vaguely remembered repeating the movements on auto-pilot and regurgitating lines that had been engraved in his mind. He had not been cognizant of whether or not the lines he had mindlessly uttered were right or wrong; he had just said them as though he was having a conversation with Lee Yoo-Ra. He could only remember that at the time, he had talked and acted like Louis without consciously thinking about acting and whatnot. 

“Become like Louie. Without doing it consciously…”

Looking back on the scenes that had been given the green light, a good majority of them were like that. All the moments where his subconscious had naturally taken over after repeated rejections were the ones he had stopped acting consciously. When the camera started rolling, Woo-Jin tried to immerse himself in his role as much as possible and act it out, but he had a tendency to return to his actual self as soon as the cameras stopped rolling. He made a clear distinction between his character and himself, Chae Woo-Jin, as he frequently toggled the on and off 'acting mode' button in his head as he acted. 

Woo-Jin did not know whether or not Producer Director Park's advice to get deeper into character was the right thing to do. He had clearly gotten into character and acted it out, but he had not fully become Louie. Producer Director Park could tell he was acting and had picked up on the awkwardness that was hidden in his conscious acting and lines despite how natural they seemed. 

Woo-Jin snapped out of his thoughts and glanced over at Kang Min-Ho and Park Yeon-Ah who were shooting the next scene. Just like before, the production director was repeatedly yelling 'cut' on set, but unlike Woo-Jin's situation, the shooting continued. 

The problem with Park Yeon-Ah's acting was the tone of her voice and her gestures. If she were to fix them, her acting would be flawless. Practicing repeatedly was the best thing to do to break one's habit, so she continued shooting her scene. Perhaps, if Woo-Jin continued acting in such a pattern, it might have become a habit that could not be easily corrected later on even if he wanted to, as it was in Park Yeon-Ah's case. It was clear that Park Jong-Hyuk's criticism had come at the right time. 

Among the three main characters, Kang Min-Ho's shooting was the most smooth-sailing. Without a doubt, age and experience could not be denied - he was an experienced actor. He was the one most deeply immersed in his character and had a high level of understanding of his character. Even after his scene was over, he continued staying in character for a while. Hence, even when the cameras had stopped rolling, he had often looked at Woo-Jin with a sharp cold gaze. Woo-Jin had always felt awkward by his hostile gaze whenever that happened. 

Additionally, Kang Min-Ho did not have any bad acting habits from the get go. He was a senior actor whom Woo-Jin had a lot to learn from. Woo-Jin no longer had to watch the videos once he realized what Production Director Park Jong-Hyun wanted, as well as his own issues, so he closed the laptop and rested his head on top of it. 

It was good that even though he had recalled his past lives, he still had a high self-esteem and a big ego, and had not lost his focus. However, it did not help much with his acting. The more he shielded himself from thinking about the memories of his past lives, the more difficult it became in many ways for him to immerse himself in the role.  This was particularly true for the previous photo shoot, where he had blocked off his thoughts even more than usual. 

In the past, he had subconsciously immersed himself in the role and acted, but he could no longer do that now. Perhaps, he was afraid that he would let the personality of his past identities take over without realizing it, hence he always had his guard up and consciously prevented it from happening. 

It was easier said than done to get rid of the on and off 'acting mode' button in his head and naturally become Louie. That did not mean that the other actors were not aware of the fact that they were acting. Woo-Jin still did not know what the differences between him and those actors were. In truth, even if he had known how to do it, it was pointless. If everyone could mimic how the good actors did it, there would not be any bad actors in the world. 

'That said, it's absolutely not acceptable to act using a personality from a past identity like the last time. That is not acting. I just have to immerse myself into the character. If so, it's going to feel like I'm living one more life.' 

After remembering all 999 of his past lives, Woo-Jin had never stopped doing his best to ensure that he did not lose the real Chae Woo-Jin. However, he was worried that if he completely immersed himself into a role, it would be no different from immersing himself into the memories of his past lives. 

'If I do that, it wouldn't just be 999 past lives. It would go beyond 1,000 lives and continue to increase as I take on more roles, so what would be the difference?'

After agonizing over it, Woo-Jin came to an instant realization. Whether it was 999 or 1,000 lives, it did not make much of a difference for Woo-Jin. At most, it would be like living just one more life. He could use it as a reference like he did with his past lives and be done with it after. 

If he were to do that, then just like he had been doing, it would not cause any harm to his current personality. In other words, he could just think of his role as one of his past lives and act it out. No, instead of acting, it was more accurate to take on that particular persona. 

'No, that's not it! I can't become Louie throughout the entire shoot. It's important to have the on and off button.' 

After solving one problem, another one came up. Woo-Jin sighed. However, the solution was within reach. 

'Come to think of it, in the previous photo shoot, I did recall the memories of the past and acted based on my past personality. After that, I vowed not to do it again because it was not acting but improvising according to the circumstances. It was not bad, right? If I just pretend I had a past identity like Louie, then I could just act out his personality.' 

The photo shoot had been awkward and it had been his first time, so instead of acting, he had taken on the persona of one of his past identities. It was a moment of self-reflection where he had decided to just 'act' while maintaining his actual personality. Woo-Jin wondered if that reaction had resulted in today's outcome. He wondered if he had subconsciously guarded against the character he was acting as he tried to protect his personality and consciousness. 

In that case, it seemed like the best thing for him to do for now was to take on a personality and act, just like he had done previously, but this time, he would create a new past life based on Louie and take on his personality. 

Woo-Jin pictured Louie's life in his head. When he was four years old, his parents, who had fought every day, seemed to be in a particularly good mood on that day. Louie, decked in new clothes and shoes, had held his parents' hands tightly as they went to the amusement park. They had eaten delicious pork cutlet, and ice cream, as well as pastel pink cotton candy, and he had chased cute cartoon characters around with a balloon in his hand. It was a fun and happy time. But at some point, he had realized that he was all alone, abandoned. 

Later, he had been adopted by a couple in America, but there were many children just like him in the house. It did not seem like his adoptive parents held any affection for the children they had adopted; they had only done so to receive state benefits. 

One day, the police had knocked on their door and their 'fake family' had been disbanded. After going to several different foster homes, Louie ended up in the hands of a mafia organization. He had been 11 years old at that point. Ever since then, he started learning how to kill. The fragrant coffee he drank after murdering people was sour and bitter and helped him forget the disgusting stench of blood for a moment. 

Thereafter, Louie was granted freedom from such a life, and for the very first time in his life, he had taken a good look at himself, and was aware of his feelings, and had learned what love was. Even though he felt guilty, he could not stop becoming a killer and murderer. 

Woo-Jin brainwashed himself into viewing Louie's life as a past life, and just like he did the previous time, he pulled out Louie's personality and empathized with him. He had done it once before, so it was a little easier this time. From this moment onwards, he became the real Louie, and not an actor. In doing so, he did not violate the promise to himself of not acting out the personality from his past life. While the newly created past life was considered a past life, it was not real, so it was not a foul. It was an original act. 

Based on what he had experienced during the last photo shoot, he had been able to get out of character quickly because he was extremely guarded against letting his previous life's personality take over. In other words, it meant that it could be turned on and off. 

Woo-Jin had been resting his head on top of the laptop but now, he sat up straight and looked around with eyes that were void of emotion. 

Louie's life had always been gray and he saw the world in black and white as well. It was like living in the shadows. As Louie shifted his gaze towards the existence that was the only light in his life, his pupils quivered. Louie usually walked around in a hunched posture with his body looking limp. He only stood up straight and tensed his body when he was at 'work'. 

He leaned back against his chair and looked at Park Yeon-Ah with a hazy gaze. More precisely, he smiled very faintly as he was looking at her acting as Lee Yoo-Ra. He looked like a young boy with his lackluster hair and pale skin. His appearance reflected his mental age pretty accurately as well. 

“Louie, are you ready?” Production Director Park, who had been observing Woo-Jin from time to time while the shooting was ongoing, called out to him. He was sitting idly as he looked at Woo-Jin. It had been four hours since he had last talked to Woo-Jin. 

After seeing Woo-Jin nod quietly, Production Director Park narrowed his eyes, as though he felt a chilly wind. Woo-Jin stood up weakly and walked towards the direction of the production director's voice. His footsteps were light and perfectly spaced. At first glance, he seemed to be staggering, but his gait was surprisingly straight. If he were on a sandy beach, his footsteps would barely be seen. 

“We are going to start shooting the previous scene again.” 

Production Director Park glanced at Woo-Jin and immediately instructed him to prepare himself for the shoot without saying anything else. 

Chapter end