Unruly Phoenix Xiaoyao UPX Chapter 149

Chapter 149: On how to properly fabricate charges Original and most updated translations are from volare. If read elsewhere, this chapter has been stolen. Please stop supporting theft.

“I need some peace and quiet,” Ning Xiaoyao actually wanted to say she needed to pee, but she didn’t know where the restroom was and wanted to prevent Grand Preceptor Xie from arranging an attendant at her side to spy on her. (Author: Your Majesty, you’re really a prudent person. Would the Grand Preceptor need any excuses to plant agents on you?)

Lou Zigui murmured, “Is the magpie one of your little pals?”

“Supreme Commander, how did you know?” Ning Xiaoyao widened her eyes.

“Xiaoyao, hurry and come out!” Cousin Magpie shouted from outside.

“Miaow!” After saying he’d come, Big Boss Black ran off.

“My cat!” Ning Xiaoyao chased after Big Boss Black.

“…….” said everyone else. While everyone else was struggling to catch their breath, His Majesty had enough time to worry about his pet?

Lou Zigui pointed out two Dragon Guards and told them, “Protect His Majesty well.”

The two guards hastened out of the courtyard, but Ning Xiaoyao had long vanished from sight by then.

“Where’s His Majesty?” one of the guards asked the stewards of the Xie Estate.

The steward looked like he was dreaming, but another one replied, “I, I just blinked and His Majesty was gone.”

The two Dragon Guards wanted to beat the guy up. His Majesty disappeared with a blink? What, is he a ghost or something?!

Currently, Ning Xiaoyao was crouched in one of the Grand Preceptor’s flower beds, hidden behind ten pots of bonsai that were half-a-man tall. Both she and Big Boss Black were completely concealed by the plants. Cousin Magpie stood beneath a miniature pine tree as he tossed the bottle in his beak to Ning Xiaoya’s hands.

“Xiaoyao, this was taken off those seven men. See if you can make use of it,” he said.

Ning Xiaoyao glanced at the bottle and rubbed her eyes. Why does this bottle look identical to the other one?

Big Boss Black urged, “Hurry and have a look, is something wrong with your eyes?”

Ning Xiaoyao replied, “This is an exact copy of Supreme Commander’s bottle!”

Cousin Magpie tilted his head. “This is a very common bottle, ah. Lots of families have them at home.”

“Really?” Ning Xiaoyao asked.

Big Boss Black told Cousin Magpie. “Now do you believe that she’s a ninny?” She doesn’t even know that all kinds of households have bottles like these. If she’s not a ninny, then what is she?

“Makes sense,” Ning Xiaoyao muttered to herself. “Plastics don’t exist in this world yet.”

“What stick?” Big Boss Black asked.

“Never mind, let’s not talk about that,” Ning Xiaoyao unscrewed the cap and poured a bit of the liquid inside onto the mud. Soon enough, the liquid began to froth and bubble.

Cousin Magpie was disappointed. “This isn’t food, chirp.”

“This is poison,” Ning Xiaoyao said. “It looks very similar to the one found in the Old Madame’s ginseng chicken soup. Say, why do you guys think Supreme Commander carries around poisons when he goes outside? Is he preparing to kill himself, or kill other people?”

Big Boss Black scratched Ning Xiaoyao again. “This cat really has to admire you for puzzling over Supreme Commander at a time like this. The Grand Preceptor’s about to win! Maybe Supreme Commander had the foresight to know that trouble would come today?”

Cousin Magpie nodded. “That’s right, I heard Grand Preceptor Xie said that a general needs to experience hundreds of battles before becoming a good leader, but a true God of War requires natural talent.”

Big Boss Black meowed, “Supreme Commander is a God of War~”

“…….” Ning Xiaoyao said. Things like that exist? Do all Gods of War possess the ability to see the future?

“What kind of expression are you making?” Big Boss Black stared at Ning Xiaoyao. “You don’t believe that Supreme Commander is a God of War?”

“Not that,” Ning Xiaoyao replied, “It doesn’t matter whether he is or not, as long as he doesn’t hit me.”

Cousin Magpie nodded. That makes sense. Big Boss Black really couldn’t figure it out. Does Supreme Commander look like the type of human who hits his wife?  

“Let’s stop chatting and get to work,” Ning Xiaoyao jumped off the flower beds with Big Boss Black padding at her heels.

“Just what are you planning to do?” he asked.

“I—” Ning Xiaoyao stopped talking when she saw Fifth Young Miss Xie coming towards them from a distance.

“Your Majesty,” Xie Duoying stopped to look at Ning Xiaoyao, then at the flowerbed behind her.

“Urk,” Ning Xiaoyao said, “I relieved myself back there.”

“Relieved?”

“That means to pee, ah,” Ning Xiaoyao said while staning stock-straight.

Pee? Xie Duoying narrowly fainted away. Is this something the sovereign of an entire nation should say? How am I supposed to spend my days if I really ended up marrying a man like him? He’s worse than a country bumpkin! In a flash, Fifth Young Miss Xie didn’t feel like being His Majesty’s woman anymore. (Author: His Majesty really doesn’t want to be your man either, Fifth Young Miss! o(╯□╰)o)

Ning Xiaoyao turned tail and ran. Grand Preceptor Xie was still waiting to be taught a lesson! Xie Duoying looked dazedly after Ning Xiaoyao’s retreating form. But if I don’t become His Majesty’s woman, what else do I do? The Old Madame had once told her that she was a girl who had already been presented to the emperor. She would have no more chances to marry outside the palace into other families.

Meanwhile, Lady Wang walked by with two mama supporting her on both sides and a cluster of servant girls. When she saw Xie Duoying spacing out on the paths, she stopped and asked, “Fifth girl, what are you doing here?”

Xie Duoying turned with a bow at Lady Wang’s voice before she murmured, “Just then, His Majesty was here.”

Lady Wang felt her head hurt as soon as she heard ‘His Majesty.’ Xie Duoying hastened to explain, “I, I didn’t expect His Majesty to show up here.”

Lady Wang laughed coldly. “Judging from what I saw just then, His Majesty didn’t show you a shred of interest, right?”

Xie Duoying silently hung her head.

“Why aren’t you returning to your rooms yet?” Lady Wang shouted. “It’s chaotic in the estate now, so don’t you cause me more worries, too. You’re still a daughter of a noble house, but we have soldiers and military men running around right now. Why are you wandering about?”

Xie Duoying’s face paled as she left.

“My Lady, please calm your anger,” one of the elderly female servants said after seeing her mistress’s stormy expression.

But Lady Wang only shot back, “The Old Madame spoiled that girl rotten! She thinks she can fly up the branches and turn into a phoenix just like that?”

None of the servants dared to answer Lady Wang’s question. Xie Duoying had been the Old Madame’s treasure, but wasn’t favored with Lady Wang. Now that the Old Madame was dead and His Majesty uninterested in Fifth Young Miss, her days in the estate could only grow more difficult.

As soon as Xie Duoying was beyond the sights of Lady Wang and her servants, she picked up her skirts and fled. Meanwhile, Shadowgale turned a corner while searching for Ning Xiaoyao and happened to see the girl as she ran towards him. Her fluttering skirts in the wind made her seem like a flower in bloom, but tears were streaming down her face.

Shadowgale flickered to the side the the path to hide himself. Even if His Majesty allowed his Dragon Guards to marry, he still had Little Peach Blossom in the palace. How could he set his eyes on another woman? Still, Xie Duoying happened to trip at the same time Shadowgale flickered away. There were quite a few sharp rocks scattered on the cobblestone path, so Shadowgale hastened to grab Fifth Young Miss Xie before she could fall. She ended up crashing into a wide and unfamiliar chest. Her hair ornament scratched Shadowgale’s chin; fortunately, it didn’t draw blood.

Currently, Ning Xiaoyao was walking in the middle of Old Madame’s courtyard when she stumbled as well. “Ah–!” she exclaimed, until Lou Zigui spread open his arms and firmly caught her. Surprisingly, Ning Xiaoyao was still trying to reach the ground.

“Put me down, ah,” Ning Xiaoyao murmured to him. “I brought over the poison!”

Lou Zigui’s brain was still processing her words as he instinctively released her. Ning Xiaoyao crashed spectacularly to the ground and met gazes with one of the military officers lying on the ground.

“……” said everyone else. It wasn’t strange for His Majesty to trip since he was only human, but his hands were in the wrong place. While His Majesty Ning’s right hand was resting on the military officer’s trousers, his left had already landed on the man’s crotch. It really was a boorish position.

Before anyone could react, Supreme Commander Lou plucked His Majesty up like a rabbit. This too, was another scene they’d never seen before!

“Success,” Ning Xiaoyao turned to flash Lou Zigui a V sign. “I stuffed the bottle into his underwear!”

Lou Zigui set Ning Xiaoyao on the ground and replied, “After we get back to the palace, have Imperial Physician Gao write you a prescription so you can wash your hands.”

“Whaa?” Ning Xiaoyao blinked. Why do I need medicine to wash my hands?

Lou Zigui stared at the officer lying on the ground. Very good, I’ll remember your face from now on.

“Is anything wrong?” Ning Xiaoyao tugged at Lou Zigui’s hand.

“How could you–” Lou Zigui wanted to hold back, but couldn’t. “How could you touch him there?”

Ning Xiaoyao replied, “My hand didn’t go into his underwear, ah. All I did was toss it in–” she demonstrated with a movement of her fingers. “–and the bottle went inside. How could I touch another guy in that place?” Still, Ning Xiaoyao mused to herself as she recalled the place she bumped against just then, He’s got a sizable girth.

“What are you thinking of now?” Lou Zigui asked.

“N-nothing,” Ning Xiaoyao sniffed a few times. “Nothing at all.”

It’d be strange if Supreme Commander believed a word she said!

Grand Preceptor Xie approached the pair and asked, “Supreme Commander, do you want to keep searching?”

“Hm? Is the search already finished?” Ning Xiaoyao pushed away the hand that Lou Zigui was planning to mute her with, then pointed at the officer by her feet. “I think he’s hiding something there!”

Grand Preceptor Xie followed Ning Xiaoyao’s finger to see the man’s crotch…

“Search him again,” Lou Zigui told one of the Dragon Guards by his side. The Dragon Guard in question felt dejected by the news. I have to touch a man’s crotch!

“Is there any need to search?” Ning Xiaoyao bent down and undid the man’s waist band, before preparing to taking off his pants. Lou Zigui picked Ning Xiaoyao up again. Isn’t she aware that she’s a girl at all? Supreme Commander Lou was about to explode with rage!

The Dragon Guard took off the officer’s pants and everyone stared at the white bottle that rolled out of the trousers and onto the ground. The officer was covered in cold sweat. Just then, His Majesty had pinched his waist so hard that he nearly passed out. Even now, he found himself unable to speak from the pain.

Ning Xiaoyao harumphed inwardly. If I had let you yell, how would I have gotten away with planting the evidence?

Chapter end