Undead Seeks Warmth 022

........ Where, is this place?

Am I .... broken?

 

Inside this world, where nothing existed except for darkness.

I, while rotating around, was there.

 

This place .... that's right.

Deep within my consciousness. The other side of my memory.

The deepest part of where the consciousness of Himuro Takahina existed as Himuro Takahina was created.

The place, where I have already visited several times before.

 

However, it's strange.

There seems something that’s different from before.

While I didn't really know, what was different from last time.

I'm sure, there's something wrong.

 

..... It's wavering?

That's right, this place is wavering.

This 'world' which was the same as the bottom of a deep lake, where not even a spec of light can pierce through it.

It's wavering, shaking, become unstable.

 

So, this is it.

I am already broken.

The only way to destroy an undead which is 『Destroying the head』was used on me, and I was broken.

Then this world that existed deep inside me, also seems to have started to disappear too.

 

Aah.

Fragile.

How fragile.

After all, the thing that was called undead is just something like this, if you pluck their head off then it should die.

Before it was broken, I always thought that my body was quite sturdy, but the way it broke like that was too quick.

Has my body's toughness been only comparable to all those beings that grow fur, after all?

 

Well whatever.

It's already unimportant.

To tell the truth, I already tired.

 

 

To the 'life', that no matter how far I searched, I can't even see the shadow of it.

To this body, which have nothing except of its coldness.

And then, towards this weak me who cannot take away someone else’s life.

 

Recently, there's something that passed through my mind.

It's an "if" story, what will happen when I am finally able to live again.

What will I do after that.

 

For a living being, food is necessary.

And then, a living being's food is sometimes other living beings.

For the sake to continue on with my life, I need to eat meat ..... or rather, other living being's life.

 

For me, that was impossible.

Eating other's existence, in other words steal it, I couldn’t do it.

If I didn't do that, I cannot continue to live.

I am, didn't even being able to fulfil the lowest condition for a living being. (TL : u can by becoming a vegan tho)

 

Can someone like me come back to live? 

How could I, all this time, saying such things with my mouth.

 

Misha is always desperate.

She's desperate to keep on living.

For the sake of living she ate, for the sake of living she fight, for the sake of living she slept, for the sake of living she lived.

Me, becoming the same existence as her, the desperate her that looks so beautiful?

Don't joke with me.

Me, the me right now, didn't have such privilege.

 

Then, if that's the case.

It's better to just give up on everything, then I closed my eyes.

Perhaps, being broken at this place, is way much better.

If that happened, I'll be at ease. I'm sure.

Though until the end, I kept on feeling this coldness, everything wouldn't go as I wish it to happen.

That's right. Let's give up.

Give up everything, and then become something broken.

All this curse, all this coldness, be broken and let's forget about it.

Everything and anything already doesn’t matter.

 

Misha, too.

--- her appearance which is full of wound, her figure which lying at my feet came into my vision.

 

Mayu, too.

----- her chest got stabbed with knife, I recalled that figure of her becoming colder and colder on top of my hands.

 

Sister, too.

---- the spectacle when all of the heresy massacred by nee-san, still clearly cling in my mind.

 

....... Nee-san, too

---- her figure which sobbing like a child, keep echoing inside my mind. 

 

 

 

Live! 

Live, for your friend's share too! 

Live, for the dead me!

Live, live the share of everyone who already dead before you! 

The one who live, cannot die until they die you know!! 

 

 

 

 

 

Suddenly, I remembered.

In the past, well even if I said it was in the past it's actually just happened not long ago.

That word which I threw at a girl that I helped.

 

..... That’s, right.

Certainly, I am already death.

However .... that's only limited to the body.

My mind, is still not dead yet.

 

Mayu is dead, both of my parents are dead.

That word, that I always kept saying to myself since then.

I wouldn't do a thing that broke that word for the second time.

above all, I now understand

 

I am.

In this world, still have too much regret.

 

Such thoughts about what will I do after being revived, right now that's not important.

All of the pain, the harshness, the coldness, the suffering, everything, I just need to endure it.

It’s not whether I could do it or not, I will do it.

I wouldn't bother with what other people said, I will do it.

It doesn't matter if it's just my egoism, I will do it.

 

After all, if I didn't do that ..... If I didn't have a mindset like this, the next moment, I will break after all.

That's why, I will do it.

So that once again, I can stand up.

So that, I will not fall down again.

 

I will not steal anything, will not kill everything, but I will get the results that I wanted.

For the sake granting that mad wish of mine.

I will do it.

 

 

 

 

 

Once again, when I was about to open my eyes.

I realized something other than me in this 'world’, an existence other than myself which shouldn't be here .... was right there. 

 

Chapter end