NHK ni Youkoso! Vol 1 Chapter 5

Chapter 05

The Twenty-First Century

"Take fireflies, for example. Try to imagine their beauty, the evanescent

"Female fireflies flash their lights only to have intercourse with the

their mating has finished, they die. In short, their reproductive instinct is

their simple world, no kind of sadness can intervene. This is precisely

"In contrast, please consider the human species this time. You'll find

"I believe Freud stated something like 'Humans are creatures with

sadness in life, I can't help but to remember those words.

creature with broken instincts, bury his original nature. It's all a lie, of

entirely new concepts. This is why the world becomes increasingly

"However, that complexity cannot hide the various contradictions

oppositions: words and instinct, ideas and the physical self, reason and

other's tails. The two snakes constantly are locked in a fierce battle for

"Do you understand? Do you get what I'm explaining? What? You

"What I'm trying to say—"

Yamazaki, seated on top of the kotatsu, bent back his upper body to

broken instincts, we are in pain. We continue in pain because our

Should we abandon knowledge? Throw away reason? In any event, that

long, long ago. This was written in that religious pamphlet 'Awaken!'

"What?! What the hell are you thinking, waking me up at two

Welcome to the N.H.K.

drinking in my room?"

either one. Given that, what are we meant to do? Compromise

kids? That is, after all, the conventional path. However, I discovered. . .

closer to monsters. About a year ago, I realized the truth. While I was

happened. They're really terrible memories, and I don't want to think

a second beer from my fridge.

in one swallow.

Yamazaki's face was alarmingly red. He already seemed to be drunk.

wondered if he might not be a budding alcoholic; then, at some point, he

drinking since I was in middle school. Don't worry about me—I'm

I wasn't sure which part of him was totally fine. Once Yamazaki got

yelled or ignored him. I'd learned this the hard way.

Then he seemed to deflate; his shoulders dropped with his voice.

though. I'm human, after all, and that can't be helped. . . Anyway, I had

name was Nanako. At my school, where otaku girls from around the

tell you that I'm rather good looking myself. My delicate body and

school—now, though, I figured that my good looks had to be

"I said to Nanako 'Let's go out!' She replied, 'Sorry, Yamazaki, but

"What do you mean by 'you know'? What am I 'kind of''? And by

my feelings for you politely, so what's this all about?!"

you bitch! I mean, you could at least let me do you! Don't screw around

I felt an intense wave of fear. It seemed I had stumbled upon another

hurriedly gave me a big fake smile. "Ha! Ha ha ha! No, no, I'm just

a girl? Real-life women are all crap, anyway. Ever since the time in

up on them."

composed, I continued smoking my cigarette. Meanwhile, Yamazaki's

Everything I've said has been lies. Ha ha ha, I'm a little drunk, huh? Eh?

Welcome to the N.H.K.

expressions that seem to mix pity, derision, and fear? Don't. . . don't look

I had no idea in the least what I should do.

"Real women aren't decent at all. Being human is about our instinct

instinct really, really desires nothing more than sex with women. So,

Why are you telling me this?! I wanted to yell at him. However, like a

Thinking about it, he really was an unfortunate person. Because of

become thoroughly twisted.

"No, don't feel sorry for me!"

do, maybe this confusion will be cleared away."

women?

second I asked him this, he shifted and looked as though he were about

Grinning slyly, he said, "They're right nearby, aren't they? You

their charms, too."

'You realize now what I'm trying to say, don't you, Satou?"

"How lovable," he continued, "are the girls who live in the twodimensional

All right, given his lengthy speech, I had to at least acknowledge

culture."

the sole signpost guiding human reason to triumph over instinct. So long

women. Erotic games are our hope. So, Satou, have you just about

"J-just a little longer. . . Anyway, don't you think the games you lent

"Skewed how?"

young; like, the heroines all appear to be no more than elementary

"Ha! What are you saying now, Satou? This isn't like you. To start

drawn with two-dimensional computer graphics. In order to express

appropriate than a little girl, is there? We're relaxed by the symbol of the

dealing any blows to our fragile emotional state. On top of that, the

Welcome to the N.H.K.

and emotional senses—the little girl. Because of that double safety lock,

rejected. That is to say, this is the true meaning of moe: ideal, young,

you?"

but by that time, Yamazaki already had disappeared from my room.

Part Two

had been dumped by a girl previously. In response, he'd gotten drunk in

least, that might explain what had happened.

out of his way to share his embarrassment with me. He hadn't needed to

a rather incomprehensible theory; ultimately, though, he was still I

Yamazaki was more dangerous than I had ever imagined.

was horrified by the contents. This was no good; it was too dangerous.

photographs—portraits of a girl who appeared to be in the latter years of

were nude photos.

pornography laws made this CD way too dangerous. Although

hell was he thinking? Just constrain yourself to some CG, dammit! I wanted

On my fifteen inch computer display, the naked girl smiled perkily.

to explore the entirety of the CD, for the time being. As I did, I found a

Yamazaki.

Remember, in order to make a high-quality erotic game, you need realworld

This is Rika Nishimura's photo book. She's known as the greatest

can relax. Okay then, let's make a great erotic game using Rika's smile!"

agreed to make a Lolita-style erotic game? Oh, come on, don't push your

Hm. It occurred to me when I considered it more carefully—maybe

It might have been different back in the time of Genji Hikari; in the

destroyed. Thus, it must be extremely difficult to find others to share

Welcome to the N.H.K.

partner in creating an erotic game, into one of his lolicon pals.

simple guesses, and he simply might be trying to make a high-quality

girl heroines were fairly common. In fact, it could even be said that

Now that I thought about it, another description for an erotic game

"beautiful girl" game. I thought that some deep nexus of the problem was

What will happen to Japan, where these bishoujo games are establishing a

myself to stop worrying. Then, timidly, I loaded the Rika Nishimura

A few seconds passed.

"N-no, no! I'm just temporarily confused!" In my dim, six-mat, oneroom

that innocent smile, displaying her protruding ribs, her endlessly pliant

I gulped and clicked the mouse with trembling fingers. The next

This is wrong! I raised my head and, with the entire force of my body,

eyes. It hurt. Yet Rika was still smiling. . . Oh, Rika.

I hurriedly opened Internet Explorer. Right! The problem was

anything. I just happen to be affected by her beauty, but I'm still normal. To

obvious that any Lolita images other than Rika's wouldn't excite me in

However, thanks to the new child pornography laws, it was much

skimming the surface, but all I found were fraudulent sites using

But I'd be damned if anyone could doubt my net-surfing skills. I was

find valuable data, the best thing was to make the rounds on the message

'bot-style search engine to scan the porno-image info message boards.

refining my search conditions, I still got several hundred hits. There

For the moment, I tried opening the very first page. Instantly, with

opened on their own.

attacks, using JavaScript, often found on pay pages. Even so, I

For a case like this, I needed to switch to a tab browser. Tab

at once, in a single window. I downloaded Donut, the browser widely

Welcome to the N.H.K.

immediately. Oh! This makes browsing so easy! At this rate, I would find

I opened as many simultaneous pages as my computer's resources

tabs, I opened all the pages linked to the message boards, then clicking

bottom. I was looking for an underground-type porno message board.

the annoying ads with pop-up blocker software!

already night. The blue-white glow of my monitor was the only light in

turn on the fluorescent lights would have been a waste. My wondrous,

Fear my light-speed mouse skills!

I'm a wolf!

When I returned to reality, a week had passed. I liberated myself from

entered the bathroom. Reflected in the mirror was an unbelievably

greasy hair, empty eyes, slack jaw. . . a dropout, unemployed hikikomori

disheveled, stinking, nightmarish. . .

"Ugh." I weakly slid onto the bathroom floor.

What had been done could never be undone. I had. . . I had collected

images alone. I had even gotten involved with video data, in formats like

bodies of little girls who, in truth, I pitied.

worst thing ever. I'm less than human. I'm a monster. I can’t keep living. I can

True, I certainly was a hikikomori. I was fairly certain that I wasn't a

even liked older women. Even so, now. . .

gushed onto the floor. They were tears of atonement. Yes, I

wanted to change. But it was already too late.

beautiful," I knew I was going to hell. As soon as I had begun to mutter

student, she's amazing," to myself, I was ready to fall into hell. As soon as

terrible things, also," grinning to myself, I knew that there was a one

Welcome to the N.H.K.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I apologize, I didn't really want to do it. I didn't mean

"Argh!" It hurt. I was in pain. My chest hurt. My heart was breaking

nonetheless, I was a first-rate lolicon hikikomori, the most worthless

Still, listen: You're wrong. You're making a mistake! I don't want to lock

You're wrong. I'm not the one who committed that crime! Please, believe me!

But. . . red schoolbags. And recorders. And innocent girls playing in

"You want to play with big brother?"

"Just lift up your skirt."

"Here's your shot!"

that noise? Shut up. . .

far away, someone was calling out, "Satou! Are you alive? Are you dead?

Someone was pounding on my apartment door. I didn't have the

"What, are you really not there? I just wanted to lend you this

Standing up, I wiped away my tears and opened the door.

A Humbert Humbert for the Twenty First Century

disgust. "You locked yourself up for a whole week and just collected

"First off, this is all your fault."

"D-d-don't you feel guilty, dragging me into this, and then saying

"I told you those were just character references, right? Look, Satou,

even want to come close to you. Don't come near me—you're freaking

"G-gr-grrrr!" As a result of intense rage, I literally saw red. Both of

"W-well, to change the mood, let's start talking seriously about our

Snatching the tape from his hands, I smashed it against my leg and

At that moment, I saw my only escape from the lolicon world.

"What? Please, pay me back for the video."

He was silent.

we'll be lolicons until we die! Hurry!" Forcefully grabbing Yamazaki's

Stopping by Yamazaki’s room for his digital camera, we headed outside,

It was an early May afternoon. Although it was warm in town, there

"Where are we going?"

On the way, I ducked into a convenience store and bought a

toward my destination, Yamazaki in tow.

"A digital camera and a disposable camera? What in the world do

When I reached my destination, I answered, "Take a picture of me."

"Well, do you know where we are?"

"Right, the Ikuta Elementary School, a public elementary school

front of the gate. Yamazaki, you hide, too. Hurry up!"

"The end-of-the-day bell will ring soon. When that happens, the

"That's true. So?"

"O-of what?"

He didn't say anything.

A Humbert Humbert for the Twenty First Century

your state-of-the-art digital camera."

"You understand, Yamazaki? I'm going to sneak some pictures soon.

'accidentally' take some panty shots. It'll be fine. If we stay still and hide

elementary school students. I'll take as many pictures as I can—only of

The bell rang. In a few minutes, the students would come through

"Yamazaki, you take pictures of me with that disposable camera.

he's taking pictures of elementary school kids! You understand? This is

understand? It's an ugly picture. However, at the same time, this is your

appearance onto that film. We'll develop it together and objectively look

to escape from lolicon and return to normal."

stairs. I readied the digital camera. Only a little more. . .

the first girls will arrive. I'll secretly take their pictures! Then, you take

"Oh, the first one is beautiful! In a white dress, black tights, and dark

I'm clicking the shutter! Now, you click the shutter, too. Don't use the

"Ah, this thrill, this blood-boiling, flesh-crawling thrill. I'm excited!

cute. I'm clicking the shutter! Click! Click! Nice shot!

about a sixth-grade girl—let's call her Sakura, for now. The second that

perfect diagonal, forty-five degree angle get away from me! Heh heh heh,

Yamazaki? Capture every last detail of my hideous lolicon appearance,

"Whoa! More and more students are pouring out of the building.

their pictures, taking their pictures! Blow, spring breeze! Rise up,

"Are you still there, Yamazaki? I'm looking into the digital camera's

behind me, aren't you, Yamazaki? Be sure to photograph my distasteful

really listening? Hey, say something! I'm doing my best to get a panty

doing your best, too. Are you listening? Hey, I said to say something!

scared to talk, that's only natural. You have a soft voice, anyway.

ugly now. . . Hm, that's right—I didn't really want to become this sort of

A Humbert Humbert for the Twenty First Century

become a great scholar. I wanted to invent something that would help all

that's right. Cry! Shed tears for my repulsive appearance!

enjoy a normal, average, invigorating daily life. The incomprehensibly

We really wanted to be useful to everyone, to be respected by everyone,

hikikomori—so, cry in despair! You must cry!

excited.

see too well. But I'll keep taking pictures of these little girls—so,

but let's try hard. We can't stop crying, but let's do all we can. We'll do

"Huh? What? Why are you suddenly tapping my shoulder? Is

part.

She's so cute; I want to take her home. Put her under my arm like takeout

right now! Come on, what's wrong with you, Yamazaki. If you tap me

What happened to you, all of a sudden?"

"Shhh! Quiet, or we're going to get caught!"

"It should be obvious. That short-haired girl. . . "

"Taking secret pict—"

did, the palm resting on my shoulder entered the corner of my vision.

I turned around.

normal pulse rate.

Time stopped.

replaced by Misaki.

outfit—the plain, long-sleeved dress and white parasol. Dressed like that

"Wh-wh-when did you get here?"

I thought about asking how much of my frenzied prartle she had

A shady man, digital camera hung around his neck, hiding in the

for a pervert—and rightfully so. I was already out of options. Gah! I'm

needed to be thrown in jail for sex crimes, also. I'm a complete failure as a son.

I was already out of time. Misaki, who kept looking into my face,

quick!"

dressed in her religious clothes. And religions have strict

lusting after a child would be beyond the pale—which is exactly why

That's right. Misaki likely would threaten me with something like,

condemns us, God is greater than our heart and knoweth all things.!"19

she likely would try to throw me into the hellfire of God's rage!

moment that God's punishment would descend upon me. In that

was just a second away.

me. Looking back down at Misaki, she was still gazing at me. Our bodies

Finally, Misaki explained, "I just saw Yamazaki, face covered with

was going on; and when I peeked in here, I saw you, Satou, so. . . "

Welcome to the N.H.K.

"The man in room 202, right? He looked pretty happy to get

"He did? What a strange guy."

"N-no! Not at all. I mean, not really. By the way, Misaki, what were

feel as though I might actually get away with the whole thing.

and I were just passing by here. I had Auntie go on home ahead of me

"Yeah? By the way, I really like your religious outfit. The parasol

When I said that, Misaki cast her eyes downward. "This is a

"Huh?"

way to carry a parasol. That way, no one will remember my face." Her

mysterious. I still couldn't tell who she really was.

"Well then, I've got to be going." I stood up.

Just like that, I started walking away awkwardly. I made it to the

toward my apartment.

"What?" I asked without turning around or slowing down.

I felt as though my heart would stop. Pretending I hadn't heard, I

Misaki continued, "It's fine if you are a lolicon. In fact, it might even

be the absolute best. You'd be at the very lowest rank of human society,

I stopped walking and turned around.

better. That way, I think you're even more perfect for my project." She

In the calmest voice I could possibly manage, I stated, "I have no idea

know. I'm a creator! I was just taking reference pictures."

"It's true."

news, okay?" With that, Misaki marched away.
It was a May afternoon.

Chapter end

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