Chapter 123 Iris’s monologue
After Tanya prepared my bed for me, I lay down for a bit .
And then after she left, I went to the balcony .
Although it was a bit unseemly, it should be fine at night…at least that’s what I told myself .
I gazed at the night sky, and looked at the street .
It was quite dark . I couldn’t make much out .
It was the darkness of a world without electricity .
But even that kind of darkness made me happy .
“…a wish that I can’t abandon, hm? Like an idiot…”
I clenched my jaw…but still I couldn’t hold back the ugly tears . It was only because I didn’t have to worry about being seen by others that I could allow an expression like that onto my face .
My whispers echoed, then dissipated in the darkness .
More and more tears flowed down my face .
With the tears came the sobs that I tried my hardest to hold back .
…I wasn’t ignoring what Tanya said .
It was actually the opposite .
Tanya’s words were a signal to me .
Sleeping deep within my heart was… . a wish that I couldn’t abandon .
I was the idiot .
I had encountered painful, awful experiences, and the emotions that should have been locked away spilled out so easily .
How fragile .
I had realized it . Even though I pretended I hadn’t .
I made up excuses, even lied to my own heart .
If I could just face myself, it would be easy .
Why did I rely on him, flirt with him?
Who did I reveal my pains and my emotions to?
Why did I get so deep into the trenches of ugly jealousy?
It was because even though my heart understood everything, my mind had stopped thinking .
But I…could not fail any more .
What I might lose was of too much importance .
The people following me, my territory . And the people who lived on this land .
Facing all of this, I felt that I was turning back into the idiotic self of my past . Thinking about the desperation of being betrayed…made me so scared .
I don’t want that .
Uncertain things that I couldn’t confirm with my eyes, things that I was powerless against–why would I chase after them like this?
Although I was so afraid, there was also an intense emotion in my heart, waiting to erupt .
“I like…”
Trying to say it made my heart drop to the ground with a thud .
I hadn’t said that in front of him .
Because my yearning would never come true .
A love that went past identities, a story that was more like a dream .
Cinderella was also a noble .
Yuri was also a duke’s daughter .
That’s why I didn’t tell him .
…I couldn’t throw away all that was so important to me .
So I hid my true feelings again .
And then, looked away .
Tomorrow, my smile would be the same as always .
Chapter 123 Iris’s monologue.
.
After Tanya prepared my bed for me, I lay down for a bit
.
And then after she left, I went to the balcony
.
Although it was a bit unseemly, it should be fine at night…at least that’s what I told myself
.
I gazed at the night sky, and looked at the street
.
It was quite dark . I couldn’t make much out
.
It was the darkness of a world without electricity
.
But even that kind of darkness made me happy
.
“…a wish that I can’t abandon, hm? Like an idiot…”.
.
I clenched my jaw…but still I couldn’t hold back the ugly tears . It was only because I didn’t have to worry about being seen by others that I could allow an expression like that onto my face
.
My whispers echoed, then dissipated in the darkness
.
More and more tears flowed down my face
.
With the tears came the sobs that I tried my hardest to hold back
.
…I wasn’t ignoring what Tanya said
.
It was actually the opposite
.
Tanya’s words were a signal to me
.
Sleeping deep within my heart was… . a wish that I couldn’t abandon
.
I was the idiot
.
I had encountered painful, awful experiences, and the emotions that should have been locked away spilled out so easily
.
How fragile
.
I had realized it . Even though I pretended I hadn’t
.
I made up excuses, even lied to my own heart
.
If I could just face myself, it would be easy
.
Why did I rely on him, flirt with him?.
.
Who did I reveal my pains and my emotions to?.
.
Why did I get so deep into the trenches of ugly jealousy?.
.
It was because even though my heart understood everything, my mind had stopped thinking
.
But I…could not fail any more
.
What I might lose was of too much importance
.
The people following me, my territory . And the people who lived on this land
.
Facing all of this, I felt that I was turning back into the idiotic self of my past . Thinking about the desperation of being betrayed…made me so scared
.
I don’t want that
.
Uncertain things that I couldn’t confirm with my eyes, things that I was powerless against–why would I chase after them like this?.
.
Although I was so afraid, there was also an intense emotion in my heart, waiting to erupt
.
“I like…”.
.
Trying to say it made my heart drop to the ground with a thud
.
I hadn’t said that in front of him
.
Because my yearning would never come true
.
A love that went past identities, a story that was more like a dream
.
Cinderella was also a noble
.
Yuri was also a duke’s daughter
.
That’s why I didn’t tell him
.
…I couldn’t throw away all that was so important to me
.
So I hid my true feelings again
.
And then, looked away
.
Tomorrow, my smile would be the same as always
Chapter end
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